M3 Understanding Feedback

Final Pitch

Q. So is the burglary the central event that is being relived every day?

A. Yes, it's really the whole day, the burglary happens around 35 minutes into each episode.

-I would have explained more that as the episodes go on, there are some things that he can't get out of, eg: coming up with an excuse as to why he isn't in school and what he does before the burglary effects massively how the burglary is going to go, better or worse.

Q. Does Connor disappear as a character when he becomes somebody else?

A. Yes! He's got to make excuses as to why he's not there, so he'll have to ring the school claiming that he's ill.

-I'd add in that he still exists within the story every day, so people might ask where he is. 

Q. He has to hide from the real mother when he becomes her to add in that extra comedic element?

A. Yes, exactly

-I'd explain how, eg: It adds in another layer to his character, and should be comedic because he'll have to navigate around her and there'll be some very close calls.

Q. Why does he try to hide from her?

A. Because he's seen enough films to know that you're not meant to do that.

-He doesn't know what's happening so instinctively copies what he's learnt from other TV shows and movies just like any person in real life might if they were posed the same question.

Q. You've made a lot of effort to represent LGBTQ+ to normalise it which is good, my worry is the representation of the female stalker character, do you think there's a danger when to comes to stereotyping?

A. Yes, I'll have to deal with that quite carefully. I think if there's a reason for her to do things so they're justified as much as they can be. There will an 'if you've been upset by any of the themes in this tv show' things at the end. Also, we'd put out public surveys to ask them what wouldn't be a good idea. There is definitely an issue with stalkers being idolised, especially with shows like You with the main stalker, Max. I think we need to show clear reasoning behind her actions.
-Talk to people who have been stalked to get an accurate representation and definitely not to glorify stalking, I want to make a point that it is unhealthy behaviour and that the audience should see that it is not okay.

Q. Potential for a second season, is there potential? Can you try to imagine a second season, if that's possible?

A. Well, I tried to leave the ending pretty open, maybe following the mother's story more with Keily into the family with a new dynamic.

If I had thought about this before, I would have said that for the second season, I want to focus in on the new family dynamics and Connor stepping into his own, being more independent, also following up with the mental health issues that were brought up towards the end. Also, I want to continue the supernatural element with Connor and Keily together, possibly having a new ability also to do with time, such as seeing into the future by 30 seconds.

Q. Special effects, if we've got two copies of a character will there be a need for compositing?

A. I want them to stay far away from each other so it is easier to edit, not touching each other or going into their spaces.

-To keep the costs low, since this is a low budget production. I think if we did it this way, we could still make it look great.

Q. You said at the beginning it was going to focus on paranoia and anxiety and mental health issues. Are they going to be induced due to the situation or just as a normal teen going through life?

A. It's going to be a mix of both. Definitely, throughout the episodes, he is going to show more symptoms, especially with paranoia as he is going to be second-guessing all of his actions. I want to talk to people about the realistic representation of anxiety- as I know there are stereotypes of it and I want it to be represented right.

-If there was going to be a second season, I think I'd want to explore his treatment and recovery to leave a positive message to the audience who might be going through the same thing.

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Feedback from the client:

Positives

The pitch was detailed – you had thought through the required aspects of your idea.

I spent a lot of time on the pitch so am happy that it checked all the boxes and came across coherently!

Your PowerPoint was visually branded beautifully and gave a sense of the show

I worked on this since the last pitch!

I love that you gave us an “it’s Groundhog Day meets Final Destination” towards the start of the pitch

I took advice from my last pitch and made the improvement, I also think it sets the tone well!

You were able to answer questions in a mature, professional manner

Thanks.

You responded positively to feedback and suggestions

I appreciated the advice, thanks again.

Room for improvement

The delivery would have benefited from more “selling” of the idea

Yep, I agree totally, it definitely focused on describing too much instead of selling, in retrospect, I would've definitely asked more rhetorical questions and sold the idea to the client!

It would have been nice to see you in professional business wear

In retrospect, I would've worn a professional shirt for my pitch.

Content feedback

Positives

Your logline was effective in conveying your show in a nutshell 

Great, I'm glad it came across.

Very detailed episode breakdown

I made an effort to really think of the intricacies of my show, thanks.

Good for BBC 3 and the target audience

That's great, I'm happy it suits it.

Excellent range of supporting documents that enhanced pitch

Thanks.

Room for improvement

Explain if we the audience will hear the inner monologue of the protagonist in the body of other people, to help us understand his mental state?

You won't be able to hear an inner monologue, but Connor will talk to himself during the day, keeping the audience in the loop of what he's thinking. His thoughts may also be shown with 1st persona camera shots. 

Explain how mental health will be represented in your show.

Through the character's experiences and times where they might not feel comfortable in certain situations because of it. Connor will develop mental health issues because he feels out of control with his life and unsure of his decisions, becoming more and more anxious and paranoid as the episodes progress, staying more to himself and warier of people, staying away from public spaces and having more time to be by himself, slowly isolating away from his friends. Towards the end of the show, I want there to be more focus on him doing things alone and having (near)breakdowns where he could just cry.

P4 pitch ideas to client

Final Pitch

My final pitch went a lot smoother than my original pitch because I was prepared. I had all of my supporting documents on blogger way before my allocated timeslot, along with my final pitch presentation. I improved on many things from the last pitch, starting with the overall look of my presentation as I received feedback that it contained too much text on each slide and didn't look like a standard pitch because it didn't clearly represent the look I was after for my show- the slides didn't have any character.


Since my plot is rather complicated, I decided to dedicate most of my time to explain my idea clearly in my final pitch instead of really selling it, which was a piece of my feedback. If I could redo my pitch, I would have asked more rhetorical questions to engage them, as well as saying why people would love my show with more enthusiasm, which I didn't because I was too nervous at the time as well as dressing more appropriately for a business pitch; smart shirt etc.

My client did know what my show was about and all the intricacies involved within it so I am happy that I presented it well. I did include everything on the checklist within the presentation as well, making myself some pitch notes and annotations (attached above) so I wouldn't run out of things to say, which was an improvement on last time.

I received feedback that my supporting documents did help for my client to get a visual idea for my show and helped them to feel a tone and guess what it would be about from the offset so, in my opinion, they definitely enhanced my pitch.

P2 Supporting Documents

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M2 Identifying potential questions

Practice Pitch Evaluation:

1.  Were you confident? Could you answer the questions asked? Do you understand your own series in enough depth yet?

I think I was more confident with my ideas the longer I spoke about them, getting into the rhythm of talking about it and the concept of this show in more detail. Saying the ideas out loud really did help me to finalise them. I could answer most of the questions but I feel I was slightly vague at points which would have benefitted from a more finalised approach. Going into the pitch, I thought I had a good grounding with my idea and knew it inside out but realised very quickly after starting that I should've rehearsed more about what is going to happen episode by episode.

My pitch presentation was good, it has nearly all the notes and prompts that helped me but it was too overcrowded with information and text as it had everything I needed, making it look quite intimidating, so I rushed through it and even got my points a bit muddled up. I did try to use pictures and diagrams where the text was too offputting, scattering the logo of my tv show throughout. The overall look of the show didn't come across because I didn't use any of my own individual styled graphics, only the title which wasn't enough to distinguish it from other tv shows. 

However, the only supporting document I had for my pitch was the logo of my tv show as I didn't remember to add the rest of them to my PowerPoint, this was a huge error and I am certainly going to include them for my final pitch as they would help to show the overall look of it, to help other people to understand the vibe.

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*key

GREEN - What I'd change.

RED - What I said

BLACK - Questions I was asked.

Questions I was asked during my pitch:

1. "What is the mystery, is it who broke into the house?"

We know who broke into the house, and it's more about why.

It is about why this house and why he is getting burgled into in the first place. The actual people involved will become more important as the episodes go on. 

2. "Do we know who burgled the house from the beginning?"

We see it from Connor's perspective and he doesn't recognise them.

All we know is that it's two people wearing masks, we don't know their identities.

3. "How much control does he have in each other's bodies?"

He has to stop and think about what they would do. Especially athletically as he is a teenager and going from that to an older body is going to be difficult so he'll have to work around that.

There's going to be some circumstances that he can't work around so he'll have to find alternate solutions to as the body he might be in might not be okay with what he's trying to do and will stop him, or might not be athletically able to complete it. 

4. "So he has to adapt?"

Yes, exactly.

5. "How does the audience experience his internal conflict especially because it's very personal to him?"

He's going to be acting very frustrated and vocalising his annoyance, seeing very fast shots going from one object to the next.

Everything is going to be progressively more erratic with his movements and he's overall going to become much more of a reckless individual, voicing his opinions and thoughts often as well.

6. "Do we hear his thoughts?"
-It's not a voiceover, no, but more like POV shots."
We see them with the use of camera work and the acting; his behaviour, what he's saying. The camera will be moving quickly but will track along with his eyeline.

7. "What are you thinking about doing so it doesn't feel overly repetitive? Do we get a slice of the other character's lives before it starts?"
-It's more about unique character interactions.


8. "What subgenre were you thinking since this example is Sci-fi."
-Oh, it's a crime drama as crime is a main factor.
(I should've mentioned it was a crime drama at the very beginning)

"Would you say there's a heavy psychological aspect, about the character experiencing this trauma?"

Yes as he's seen all this stuff and no one can ever understand what he's going through. - so he won't be able to talk about it with others as he feels they won't believe him or understand the situation, so he bottles it up and that makes it worse.


9. "Are there any other side characters who have a sexuality that needs to be explored or is it about the characters as people and sexuality is just a side issue or not the main focus as it's there to be normalised?"
-We're not going to say that we have token gay characters, or to try and represent the trans community if a character turns out to be trans, then they will be useful to the story to help Connor get out of this time loop."


10. "What are the mental health issues? Is it anxiety, depression, schizophrenia?"

-It's really paranoia and anxiety, he doesn't know who he can trust and is pretty wary of everyone. - As the story develops, the initial 'symptoms' of these mental health issues will become more prominent, especially with anxiety and depression.

11. "Tell me about the existing products you've identified."
-Groundhog Day, as I've mentioned before, is quite concise, my show is going to be dragged out to see the whole day.


12. "Does he actually die in the second episode?"
-Uh, no... the show fades to black as he grabs at his chest like he doesn't know what has happened. It's implied that his life is infinite but never specifically said.
(Should make the plot a lot more obvious from the start)


13. "Is Heidi a single mum?"
-Yes, it's implied but never really touched upon as it's life and does happen to some people. -Although this situation would never happen in real life, the characters I'd like to be relatable and things that have happened to them as well.


14. "Is it 7 to metaphorically represent the days of the week?"
-Yes. Seven is symbolic in many different ways, 7 deadly sins. -But mostly on 7 days of the week, to represent how small changes in a week can really change your life and your outlook.

15. "With the music do some of the lyrics fit with the themes of the show?"

-Yeah, the band has music called Favourite Liar which is all about something important being kept from someone.

16. "You talked about YouTube, how are you going to use that?"  
-They've introduced Adsense now, so there are short clips before every video you watch that for the most part, you can't skip, I was planning to get the show into the short clips at the beginning of YouTube channel to hopefully hook viewers.



PLANNED IMPROVEMENTS 

- I need to know my plot and character arcs inside and out so I will be able to deal with any question about it and also add music samples into my presentation to aid the overall feel and look of the show. To help the delivery of my tv show, I must simplify the plot onscreen then expand upon it, adding diagrams and pictures and my supporting documents.

P2 proposal

FINAL PROPOSAL

P3 Pitch

PRACTICE PITCH

Pitch YouTube link

FINAL PITCH

P2 Character arcs

Connor – Growth arc. 

Episode 1- they start off being free-thinking, a little stressed but family orientated. He spends a lot of time with his mother and friends. He’s impulsive and doesn’t think much of the consequences of his actions. 

Episode 2- After the burglary happens, he is on edge, jumpy yet still has a fighting spirit. He’s crossing his fingers and hoping that it is all a bad dream or it will simply blow over. 

Episode 3- After getting shot at the end of the last episode, he is surely panicking and extremely jumpy. He begins to fidget and scratch at his arms but he is more observant. Feeling good that he broke off his verging on toxic relationship with his boyfriend.  

Episode 4- Still panicking but relaxing slightly when he begins scheming and writing everything down that he can remember. He is more diligent and vigorous with the note making. Now very aware of actions and calculating. More stone faced, reserved than before to society and fate, believing he deserves this in the universe’s greater plan (Karma). 

Episode 5- Confused, erratic, panicking. This is his emotional climax. He screams at his mother and blames her (wrongly) for his misfortune, making threatening hand gestures towards her. 

Episode 6- Connor is confused and disappointed. 

Episode 7- Determined, infuriated, impatient. Not sociable. When all is fixed, he is worn down, tired, apathetic yet content.  

The Goal – To stop the burglary. 

The Lie – He has nothing special about him, nothing to contribute to society. 

The Truth – He can have a new attitude, work harder and change things for the better. 

Equilibrium – Happy, easy life, goes to school and hangs out with friends. 

Disruption – Burglary and Time loop. 

New Equilibrium - Knowledge of how hard the world can be and how much harder he has to work. He adapts a new attitude.  

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Heidi – Growth arc. 

Episode 1- She is content with a good motherly relationship with her son, busy with work, spends most of her time in either the house office (attic) or workplace office. 

Episode 2- She is busy with work but is disturbed as she doesn’t see Connor all day.  

Episode 3- She is busy with work but is disturbed as she doesn’t see Connor all day and calls him, leaving him a few voicemails.  

Episode 4- She is busy with work but is disturbed as she doesn’t see Connor all day and calls him, leaving him a few voicemails. 

Episode 5- Very confused, threatened when the girl she recognises (Connor) screams at her and makes scary gestures at her. Frightened and defensive. 

Episode 6- N/A 

Episode 7- She is busy with work but when she sees how erratic Connor is acting, she becomes more concerned and attempts, to no avail, to lock him in the house until he speaks to her. By the end, she is more wary of Connor, more protective. She cancels her work meetings for the following week. 

The Goal – To protect her son. 

The Lie – She can’t raise Connor as a single parent. 

The Truth – She needs to parent him stricter. 

Equilibrium – Work focused, believes Connor is old enough to look after himself. 

Disruption – Burglary happens. 

New Equilibrium - Harsher parental rules for Connor, more self-empowerment. She divvies up the chores between them both. 

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The Robbers– Fall arc. 

Episode 1- Focused on Robbing the house, determined.  

Episode 2- Focused on Robbing the house, determined. Scared when it goes wrong but they hold their ground. 

Episode 3- Focused on Robbing the house, determined. When there are locks on the windows, they become angry but suspicious.  

Episode 4- One of them notices that the other is acting strangely, they are untrusting yet determined.  

Episode 5- N/A 

Episode 6- N/A 

Episode 7- Angry when it doesn’t go to plan, they accuse each other of messing it up, turning to violence. There is no sign of comradery. Vengeful when arrested. 

The Goal – To rob the house and sell the items. 

The Lie – They’ve thought everything through. 

The Truth – Better if they worked alone. 

Equilibrium – Planning the burglary 

Disruption – Connor seems to know what is happening and tries to stop it. 

New Equilibrium – In prison.