P2 Developed Ideas

My first idea is when Connor swaps into the body of Keiran, one of the guys who initially broke into his house- he is forced to relive the burglary but he is the one orchestrating it this time. I took this idea forward as it would expand on the world I'm creating and would hopefully hook the audience (who's into crime shows) to continue watching. Additionally, choosing this would help me set the tone for my show- that it is has dark themes and doesn't shy away from showing violence in a realistic way. 

My second idea is the first body swap where Connor, after the first burglary occurs, wakes up in the body of his mother and finds out that he's reliving the same day over and over. Although I will have to write some build up beforehand so the pay off makes sense, this is an obvious choice as it sets up the entire theme for my show and hopefully expresses it in an interesting way so people will want to continue watching my show.

 

22.7 P2 Initial Ideas

How long? Purpose of product? Target Audience, script type, spec or shooting script, set up or cliffhanger?

I have to make a 10-15 minute long sequence of our tv show that would gather interest from the possible audience so they would be more intrigued and might end up watching it when it's broadcast (as the purpose as told in the brief is to promote my show). The main target audience of my TV show is teenagers and young adults (specifically 15-21yr olds) with a secondary audience of this age group who are interested in crime dramas with supernatural elements. For me, I think cliffhangers would be a good way to hook an audience as in my show, there are plenty of tense moments I could end on. The script I'll produce will be a spec script. It needs to be made to secure funding for the full production of the show by the BBC and also I will think about which aspects of the story are interesting so the audience gets hooked on characters and the world. (Not boring, filler scenes.)

22.6 P2 Scriptwriting Top Tips!

4 Golden Rules of Screenwriting

1. Sections
2. Present Tense
3. Show not Tell
4. Characters

Sections

• Slug Lines
• Actions
• Dialogue

Slug Lines = e.g INT. KITCHEN - DAY 

Shows the location, interior or exterior and night or day.

Actions = Basically whatever the viewer sees has to be written into the script in the forms of action blocks. E.g 'Umar enters the kitchen, opens the fridge and removes a CARTON OF ORANGE JUICE.'

Dialogue: What is spoken on screen, laid out with the characters name with the speech directly under it.

HENDRIX

Are we going to go now?

Present Tense

All text in scripts (excluding dialogue) has to be in present tense. This means that there shouldn't be any 'is' in the actions blocks. E.g Sundus is walking should turn into Sundus walks.

This is an example from a show called, my left nut. The left is the corrected one, the right is the original!

Show don't tell
Instead of telling the audience that a character (for example) likes scooters, you should show them.

Showing: Darren enters the kitchen, sees a scooter and makes a gagging gesture. 
Telling: 

AJ

So I heard Darren doesn't like scooters!

Another example of this would be like this: 

INT. BAKERY - DAY

KARLA stands in the middle of the bakery, waiting for her order to be called out. She looks over and sees a lone BAGEL on a chair which makes her shudder and bat it onto the floor.

Characters
When a character is first introduced, their name is in all caps and there should be a brief description of what they look like and who they are so that casting and costume design will be able to use the script.

INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY
ALEXIA, 17, struts down the hallway, waving. She wears a bright, perfectly fitting, green cheerleading outfit with red hair that reaches her shoulders.

Micro script tasks

1. A relationship between two characters
2. A woman telling a man she's pregnant

INT. LIVINGROOM - NIGHT

SHANE, 37, gets off the sofa with a huff, tossing the remote uncaringly behind him and trudges over to the dinner table. He watches the same tv show as before on his phone as food is brought to him. His partner, JAMIE, tidies up the table, rapidly scooping up different letters and papers which he sorts into two different piles, then brings Shane through a lager. 

JAMIE 

Did you manage to get your script done today?

SHANE (not looking away from phone)

These things take time, just stop pressuring me and I'll probably make some progress, I just can't with you always in my ear about this and that!

INT. STARBUCKS - DAY

BEATRIZ sits in the middle of starbucks with MARVIN, who is opposite. She looks highly uncomfortable, fiddling with the lid of her drink.

MARVIN

If you've got something to say, spit it out. 

There's silence. MARVIN sighs, goes to stand but BEATRIZ grabs his arm.

BEATRIZ (wearily)

I'm pregnant.

MARVIN holds eye contact with him for a second then yanks his wrist back and storms off.

Unit 22 P1 Task

Unit 22 P1

D1 Discuss Client considerations

Representation. 

-Themes

Mental health. 
I initially chose to focus in on mental health issues within my show as I thought it would be a very relatable topic for my target audience of 15-21 but hadn't really put much thought into the finer details of how I would be able to portray anxiety and paranoia correctly without it being overly stereotypical or incorrect.

In my pitch, I received very helpful feedback (that I agree with) that I needed to be more thorough with my explanations about specifically how mental health issues will be shown, which was very useful to me as I decided before my show could be made, I would have to take action to find out more about these issues and how I would show them. As I mentioned in my M3 Understanding Feedback blog post, I am going to show the gradual appearance of these mental health issues, showing Connor having more symptoms of paranoia and anxiety as the episodes go on, showing him to be isolating more and also staying away from large social events or any major confrontation (or showing more reservations about it if he is forced to.) The reason I want to introduce this gradually is to show that mental health issues can happen to anybody and tend to build over time.

In my M3 blogpost I talked about how I'd expand my show’s exploration of  Mental Health Issues in a possible season two.

“If I had thought about this before, I would have said that for the second season, I want to focus in on the new family dynamics and Connor stepping into his own, being more independent, also following up with the mental health issues that were brought up towards the end. Also, I want to continue the supernatural element with Connor and Keily together, possibly having a new ability also to do with time, such as seeing into the future by 30 seconds.” To expand one what I meant here in relation to the mental health aspects, I will explain: Since Connor has dealt with his mental health issues alone so far (through series 1), a new angle would to see how he acts around different people and how his relationship changes with them because of his paranoia (which may result in him being very wary of his friends' ulterior motives) and his anxiety, so he may not be able to hang around in large groups anymore. I want to follow up on these mental health issues obviously within the episodes, eg, letting Connor speak to other characters about his problems, including Keily who has suffered mental health issues herself. Possibly this could address further mental health issues (such as depression or bi-polar) so they could look for places that could help them together as this would show to the audience that friends and family are there for them and will help them to get help.

Before my show could enter pre-production, I would want to speak to people who have experienced these mental health issues (anxiety and paranoia) to represent them within the show using Connor's character the best I can as well as Keily's.


Characters

Within my cast of characters, I don't want certain characters to be representing individual issues, eg: Connor represents bisexuality, Keily with mental health. I would like all the characters to have multiple layers to their character to make them more relatable to the audience.

A piece of feedback I got about this was about if Connor had an inner monologue. Personally, I don't think this would add much to the show and might take the audience out of the experience, realising that they're being told exactly what the character is thinking, instead of being able to guess along. I don't agree with the respect that there should be an inner monologue but I think Connor could tend to talk to himself instead to make his situation seem more plausible.

I would avoid using this inner monologue technique by initially letting Connor (in the body of someone else) completely freak out and appear to be scared. Depending on who's body he will be in, there will be different reactions to portray his emotions without unnecessary exposition; with his mother's, he'll be more confused and freaked out, the burglars, initially confused and then angry etc. I intend to instruct the actors to change their body language depending on who it is and how he feels about that person, (open body language, defensive, agitated,) because people inherently can identify body language.

For example, the film Freaky Friday does not use an inner monologue and you remain aware of what the characters are feeling and know that they are each other despite looking like themselves through body language and the way that they speak, acting like they would act normally but in somebody else's body. I would want this to happen in Face The Past as it will definitely help the audience to differentiate!

Look of the show

Special fx

I was also asked a question about special effects since in one of my episodes, there will be two copies of the same person. Definitely, before starting pre-production, I would need to work out how this would work as it is a really important scene while keeping the costs pretty low. I agree that there might be a need for compositing and if so, the budget for the show might have to be reassessed depending on how much that would cost to do (see below under Budget).

As I don't want to add more to the budget than I am already aiming for, the choreography of where the actors and cameras are going to move to is going to have to be perfect so they can be simply edited together in a split-screen sort of way to create the appearance of the two actors where there will only be one, sticking to this will mean that only basic editing effects will be needed in post-production.

Budget

If we were to choreograph the camera movement and actors multiple times before actual shooting, this would cost more as we would have to pay for longer hours on the set and therefore may get fewer scenes shot within a day, meaning the locations might have to be rebooked for different days than I was thinking. This method would cost less in post-production also as instead of having to composite things into the shots, only basic techniques will have to be used as well as special effects such as a gun firing.  In conclusion, I think the cost of special effects and specialist editing software to do this will cost more than booking more time within a location and the overall effect may look better if shot authentically, rather than added in later on.

Positive Feedback

In my M3 blogpost, I discussed some of the positive feedback I got from my client. One thing I was very pleased to hear is that it would be 'Good for the BBC3 target audience' as the themes fit in with some other shows that are already on BBC3 such as Fleabag and Back To Life. When I was planning the themes of my show and the overall look of it, I was very conscious of all the pre-existing shows that also appeal to this target audience so I'm happy it paid off.

How will I ensure it it perfect for my 15-21 target audience? Well, I will ask the target audience through social media, online questionnaires or the BBC adverts on tv what they would like to see within this TV show so I can get direct feedback from the target audience and possibly adjust some things to make it more representative of their wants as this is a show for them that they should enjoy.

M3 Understanding Feedback

Final Pitch

Q. So is the burglary the central event that is being relived every day?

A. Yes, it's really the whole day, the burglary happens around 35 minutes into each episode.

-I would have explained more that as the episodes go on, there are some things that he can't get out of, eg: coming up with an excuse as to why he isn't in school and what he does before the burglary effects massively how the burglary is going to go, better or worse.

Q. Does Connor disappear as a character when he becomes somebody else?

A. Yes! He's got to make excuses as to why he's not there, so he'll have to ring the school claiming that he's ill.

-I'd add in that he still exists within the story every day, so people might ask where he is. 

Q. He has to hide from the real mother when he becomes her to add in that extra comedic element?

A. Yes, exactly

-I'd explain how, eg: It adds in another layer to his character, and should be comedic because he'll have to navigate around her and there'll be some very close calls.

Q. Why does he try to hide from her?

A. Because he's seen enough films to know that you're not meant to do that.

-He doesn't know what's happening so instinctively copies what he's learnt from other TV shows and movies just like any person in real life might if they were posed the same question.

Q. You've made a lot of effort to represent LGBTQ+ to normalise it which is good, my worry is the representation of the female stalker character, do you think there's a danger when to comes to stereotyping?

A. Yes, I'll have to deal with that quite carefully. I think if there's a reason for her to do things so they're justified as much as they can be. There will an 'if you've been upset by any of the themes in this tv show' things at the end. Also, we'd put out public surveys to ask them what wouldn't be a good idea. There is definitely an issue with stalkers being idolised, especially with shows like You with the main stalker, Max. I think we need to show clear reasoning behind her actions.
-Talk to people who have been stalked to get an accurate representation and definitely not to glorify stalking, I want to make a point that it is unhealthy behaviour and that the audience should see that it is not okay.

Q. Potential for a second season, is there potential? Can you try to imagine a second season, if that's possible?

A. Well, I tried to leave the ending pretty open, maybe following the mother's story more with Keily into the family with a new dynamic.

If I had thought about this before, I would have said that for the second season, I want to focus in on the new family dynamics and Connor stepping into his own, being more independent, also following up with the mental health issues that were brought up towards the end. Also, I want to continue the supernatural element with Connor and Keily together, possibly having a new ability also to do with time, such as seeing into the future by 30 seconds.

Q. Special effects, if we've got two copies of a character will there be a need for compositing?

A. I want them to stay far away from each other so it is easier to edit, not touching each other or going into their spaces.

-To keep the costs low, since this is a low budget production. I think if we did it this way, we could still make it look great.

Q. You said at the beginning it was going to focus on paranoia and anxiety and mental health issues. Are they going to be induced due to the situation or just as a normal teen going through life?

A. It's going to be a mix of both. Definitely, throughout the episodes, he is going to show more symptoms, especially with paranoia as he is going to be second-guessing all of his actions. I want to talk to people about the realistic representation of anxiety- as I know there are stereotypes of it and I want it to be represented right.

-If there was going to be a second season, I think I'd want to explore his treatment and recovery to leave a positive message to the audience who might be going through the same thing.

o------o

Feedback from the client:

Positives

The pitch was detailed – you had thought through the required aspects of your idea.

I spent a lot of time on the pitch so am happy that it checked all the boxes and came across coherently!

Your PowerPoint was visually branded beautifully and gave a sense of the show

I worked on this since the last pitch!

I love that you gave us an “it’s Groundhog Day meets Final Destination” towards the start of the pitch

I took advice from my last pitch and made the improvement, I also think it sets the tone well!

You were able to answer questions in a mature, professional manner

Thanks.

You responded positively to feedback and suggestions

I appreciated the advice, thanks again.

Room for improvement

The delivery would have benefited from more “selling” of the idea

Yep, I agree totally, it definitely focused on describing too much instead of selling, in retrospect, I would've definitely asked more rhetorical questions and sold the idea to the client!

It would have been nice to see you in professional business wear

In retrospect, I would've worn a professional shirt for my pitch.

Content feedback

Positives

Your logline was effective in conveying your show in a nutshell 

Great, I'm glad it came across.

Very detailed episode breakdown

I made an effort to really think of the intricacies of my show, thanks.

Good for BBC 3 and the target audience

That's great, I'm happy it suits it.

Excellent range of supporting documents that enhanced pitch

Thanks.

Room for improvement

Explain if we the audience will hear the inner monologue of the protagonist in the body of other people, to help us understand his mental state?

You won't be able to hear an inner monologue, but Connor will talk to himself during the day, keeping the audience in the loop of what he's thinking. His thoughts may also be shown with 1st persona camera shots. 

Explain how mental health will be represented in your show.

Through the character's experiences and times where they might not feel comfortable in certain situations because of it. Connor will develop mental health issues because he feels out of control with his life and unsure of his decisions, becoming more and more anxious and paranoid as the episodes progress, staying more to himself and warier of people, staying away from public spaces and having more time to be by himself, slowly isolating away from his friends. Towards the end of the show, I want there to be more focus on him doing things alone and having (near)breakdowns where he could just cry.

P4 pitch ideas to client

Final Pitch

My final pitch went a lot smoother than my original pitch because I was prepared. I had all of my supporting documents on blogger way before my allocated timeslot, along with my final pitch presentation. I improved on many things from the last pitch, starting with the overall look of my presentation as I received feedback that it contained too much text on each slide and didn't look like a standard pitch because it didn't clearly represent the look I was after for my show- the slides didn't have any character.


Since my plot is rather complicated, I decided to dedicate most of my time to explain my idea clearly in my final pitch instead of really selling it, which was a piece of my feedback. If I could redo my pitch, I would have asked more rhetorical questions to engage them, as well as saying why people would love my show with more enthusiasm, which I didn't because I was too nervous at the time as well as dressing more appropriately for a business pitch; smart shirt etc.

My client did know what my show was about and all the intricacies involved within it so I am happy that I presented it well. I did include everything on the checklist within the presentation as well, making myself some pitch notes and annotations (attached above) so I wouldn't run out of things to say, which was an improvement on last time.

I received feedback that my supporting documents did help for my client to get a visual idea for my show and helped them to feel a tone and guess what it would be about from the offset so, in my opinion, they definitely enhanced my pitch.