M3 Understanding Feedback

Final Pitch

Q. So is the burglary the central event that is being relived every day?

A. Yes, it's really the whole day, the burglary happens around 35 minutes into each episode.

-I would have explained more that as the episodes go on, there are some things that he can't get out of, eg: coming up with an excuse as to why he isn't in school and what he does before the burglary effects massively how the burglary is going to go, better or worse.

Q. Does Connor disappear as a character when he becomes somebody else?

A. Yes! He's got to make excuses as to why he's not there, so he'll have to ring the school claiming that he's ill.

-I'd add in that he still exists within the story every day, so people might ask where he is. 

Q. He has to hide from the real mother when he becomes her to add in that extra comedic element?

A. Yes, exactly

-I'd explain how, eg: It adds in another layer to his character, and should be comedic because he'll have to navigate around her and there'll be some very close calls.

Q. Why does he try to hide from her?

A. Because he's seen enough films to know that you're not meant to do that.

-He doesn't know what's happening so instinctively copies what he's learnt from other TV shows and movies just like any person in real life might if they were posed the same question.

Q. You've made a lot of effort to represent LGBTQ+ to normalise it which is good, my worry is the representation of the female stalker character, do you think there's a danger when to comes to stereotyping?

A. Yes, I'll have to deal with that quite carefully. I think if there's a reason for her to do things so they're justified as much as they can be. There will an 'if you've been upset by any of the themes in this tv show' things at the end. Also, we'd put out public surveys to ask them what wouldn't be a good idea. There is definitely an issue with stalkers being idolised, especially with shows like You with the main stalker, Max. I think we need to show clear reasoning behind her actions.
-Talk to people who have been stalked to get an accurate representation and definitely not to glorify stalking, I want to make a point that it is unhealthy behaviour and that the audience should see that it is not okay.

Q. Potential for a second season, is there potential? Can you try to imagine a second season, if that's possible?

A. Well, I tried to leave the ending pretty open, maybe following the mother's story more with Keily into the family with a new dynamic.

If I had thought about this before, I would have said that for the second season, I want to focus in on the new family dynamics and Connor stepping into his own, being more independent, also following up with the mental health issues that were brought up towards the end. Also, I want to continue the supernatural element with Connor and Keily together, possibly having a new ability also to do with time, such as seeing into the future by 30 seconds.

Q. Special effects, if we've got two copies of a character will there be a need for compositing?

A. I want them to stay far away from each other so it is easier to edit, not touching each other or going into their spaces.

-To keep the costs low, since this is a low budget production. I think if we did it this way, we could still make it look great.

Q. You said at the beginning it was going to focus on paranoia and anxiety and mental health issues. Are they going to be induced due to the situation or just as a normal teen going through life?

A. It's going to be a mix of both. Definitely, throughout the episodes, he is going to show more symptoms, especially with paranoia as he is going to be second-guessing all of his actions. I want to talk to people about the realistic representation of anxiety- as I know there are stereotypes of it and I want it to be represented right.

-If there was going to be a second season, I think I'd want to explore his treatment and recovery to leave a positive message to the audience who might be going through the same thing.

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Feedback from the client:

Positives

The pitch was detailed – you had thought through the required aspects of your idea.

I spent a lot of time on the pitch so am happy that it checked all the boxes and came across coherently!

Your PowerPoint was visually branded beautifully and gave a sense of the show

I worked on this since the last pitch!

I love that you gave us an “it’s Groundhog Day meets Final Destination” towards the start of the pitch

I took advice from my last pitch and made the improvement, I also think it sets the tone well!

You were able to answer questions in a mature, professional manner

Thanks.

You responded positively to feedback and suggestions

I appreciated the advice, thanks again.

Room for improvement

The delivery would have benefited from more “selling” of the idea

Yep, I agree totally, it definitely focused on describing too much instead of selling, in retrospect, I would've definitely asked more rhetorical questions and sold the idea to the client!

It would have been nice to see you in professional business wear

In retrospect, I would've worn a professional shirt for my pitch.

Content feedback

Positives

Your logline was effective in conveying your show in a nutshell 

Great, I'm glad it came across.

Very detailed episode breakdown

I made an effort to really think of the intricacies of my show, thanks.

Good for BBC 3 and the target audience

That's great, I'm happy it suits it.

Excellent range of supporting documents that enhanced pitch

Thanks.

Room for improvement

Explain if we the audience will hear the inner monologue of the protagonist in the body of other people, to help us understand his mental state?

You won't be able to hear an inner monologue, but Connor will talk to himself during the day, keeping the audience in the loop of what he's thinking. His thoughts may also be shown with 1st persona camera shots. 

Explain how mental health will be represented in your show.

Through the character's experiences and times where they might not feel comfortable in certain situations because of it. Connor will develop mental health issues because he feels out of control with his life and unsure of his decisions, becoming more and more anxious and paranoid as the episodes progress, staying more to himself and warier of people, staying away from public spaces and having more time to be by himself, slowly isolating away from his friends. Towards the end of the show, I want there to be more focus on him doing things alone and having (near)breakdowns where he could just cry.

P4 pitch ideas to client

Final Pitch

My final pitch went a lot smoother than my original pitch because I was prepared. I had all of my supporting documents on blogger way before my allocated timeslot, along with my final pitch presentation. I improved on many things from the last pitch, starting with the overall look of my presentation as I received feedback that it contained too much text on each slide and didn't look like a standard pitch because it didn't clearly represent the look I was after for my show- the slides didn't have any character.


Since my plot is rather complicated, I decided to dedicate most of my time to explain my idea clearly in my final pitch instead of really selling it, which was a piece of my feedback. If I could redo my pitch, I would have asked more rhetorical questions to engage them, as well as saying why people would love my show with more enthusiasm, which I didn't because I was too nervous at the time as well as dressing more appropriately for a business pitch; smart shirt etc.

My client did know what my show was about and all the intricacies involved within it so I am happy that I presented it well. I did include everything on the checklist within the presentation as well, making myself some pitch notes and annotations (attached above) so I wouldn't run out of things to say, which was an improvement on last time.

I received feedback that my supporting documents did help for my client to get a visual idea for my show and helped them to feel a tone and guess what it would be about from the offset so, in my opinion, they definitely enhanced my pitch.